How to Be Happy in the Moment
Feeling happy is something we all strive for, but why does it seem so hard to achieve? Happiness is difficult to define because it may look different for you than it does for others in your life, and that’s OK! Figuring out what makes you happy and incorporating those things into your regular schedule is important. There may also be some thoughts, beliefs, and circumstances that are impacting the happiness you feel currently. My hope is that this article will help you recognize what is stealing your joy and what you can do about it.
Please consider the following questions to help you understand what’s affecting your current level of happiness:
1. Is my happiness dependent on a specific goal or circumstance?
When happiness is a “destination” such as “when I go on my vacation I’ll be happy” or “I’ll be happy when I finally get promoted at work” or “When I finally meet that perfect person for me” or “When we’re done with this stage of life, I will be happy”.
These “destinations” lead us to believe that we will only be happy when these things happen. And as you’ve probably experienced, vacations can have difficult moments, promotions come with a new set of headaches and relationships are filled with highs and lows….So it’s important to recognize that happiness isn’t a destination or reaching a specific goal, its enjoying the journey that counts.
“Happiness grows less from the passive experience of desirable circumstance than from involvement in valued activities and progress toward one’s goals. -David Myers and Ed Diener (from the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, PHD)
2. Am I paying attention to the happiness of every day little moments?
When we shift our focus from the big milestones being the center for our happiness, we can then look to the joys found in everyday life, that can pass us by if we’re not specifically looking for it. Happiness can be found in a hug, watching the sunset, receiving a compliment, taking a moment to appreciate what you do have instead of what you don’t, enjoying a walk, watching a funny show, and the list can go on and on. Happiness is all around us but we have to intentionally pay attention to it. The good news is that the more that you intentionally look for happiness the more you will find it.
3. What am I thinking about?
Our mood is affected by our thoughts. We have approximately 60,000 thoughts in a day! Chances are we’re not noticing most of them, unless we’re intentionally paying attention to what we’re thinking about. Our thoughts affect our mood and behaviors. So bringing some of the thoughts forward to look closely at them will help you understand what’s impacting your mood. Focus your mind on good things, on purpose, and you will feel happier.
Mindfulness- paying attention to something in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. There are many meditations on mindfulness that can help you learn how to do this.
4. Am I pursuing what makes me happy, or am I allowing others’ expectations of me to define my happiness?
We are most content and happy when we live according to our own values, beliefs and all the aspects of us that make us unique. If you’re struggling to find happiness, it may be due to trying to measure your happiness, using someone else’s measuring stick. Well intentioned (and maybe not so well intentioned) others can impact our way of thinking and our goals. For example, just because a career in medicine made dad happy doesn’t mean its right for me, or just because my friend got married at a certain age doesn’t mean that’s right for me. If we allow others to guide our compass on what will make us happy, we will be disappointed when we realize we’ve drifted far off the course we imagined.
5. Am I pursuing activities that have meaning to me?
Many people find joy in art, travel, dance, music, sports, time with family and friends, spiritual practices, learning new things, and the list goes on and on. To truly enjoy these activities, it’s helpful to know why you enjoy them. What gives the activity your drawn to meaning for you? How do you feel when you engage in that activity? Really understanding the purpose behind an activity can help bring feelings of happiness and fulfillment to your life.
A few ideas to help you get started on incorporating happy moments into your day…
1. Pick one small thing you can focus on more today that brings you joy. This could be really enjoying the taste and smell of your morning coffee or tea rather than drinking it quickly in a rush, sitting outside and listening to the birds in the morning for 5 minutes rather than rushing, giving more hugs to loved ones, etc.
2. Pick a daily affirmation to focus on such as:
a. I am allowed to feel good
b. I affirm and encourage others and myself
c. I am growing and I’m going at my pace
d. I’m optimistic because today is a new day
e. I am in charge of how I feel and I choose to be happy
f. I belong here and I deserve to take up space
g. I breathe in trust and exhale doubt
3. Meditation-There are many good meditations online that can help you find inner peace and happiness
4. Slow down, whenever possible and just notice something that you haven’t taken the time to before. Such as the flowers outside your office, the friendly face of your co-worker asking you how your doing today, the text from someone you care about and embrace the fact that they thought about you today.
I hope that you take the time to consider how you can incorporate more joy into your day, because you deserve to be happy! Remember I believe in you and your ability to find happiness in everyday life!
Have a GREAT day on PURPOSE!
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.