7 Methods for Getting Around Perfectionism
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the drive to be perfect. If you’re a perfectionist, you may have a personal high standard that you set for yourself where you think nothing is ever good enough. You may also judge your self-worth based on your ability to achieve this standard. Some people mistakenly believe that perfectionism is a healthy motivator, but that’s not the case. Perfectionism can make you feel unhappy with your life.
Even mild cases of perfectionism can interfere with your quality of life, affecting your personal relationships, education, or work. Most perfectionists operate in a perpetual state of self-induced misery, leading to distress, disappointment, and defensiveness. Perfectionism can affect young people as well as adults. Children and teenagers are often driven to be overachievers in their schoolwork as well as activities such as: sports, clubs, community service, and jobs. This can lead to an obsession with success. Ultimately, it can interfere with the ability to achieve it.
What is a Perfectionist?
Perfectionists struggle to prioritize, leading to micromanaging, and ruminating without resolving dilemmas. Research shows that perfectionists also achieve fewer outcomes than high achievers. You may ask why this is? Self-imposed pressure takes a toll on mental health, prompting chronic stress and burnout. Perfectionists put pressure on themselves to meet unattainable standards. They are highly critical of themselves and beat themselves up over anything that doesn’t meet their standards. Sometimes perfectionists fear of failure is so terrifying that they procrastinate because they would rather not do something at all if it can’t be done perfectly. We harm other people when we buy into the myth of perfectionism, by setting unrealistic expectations for those around us.
What is the cause of perfectionism?
There are several causes that can create perfectionism in a person. Some causes are:
The influence of your parents: If your parents were perfectionists themselves, they can pass this trait on to you. For example, you may have received the message that you weren’t good enough if things weren’t done perfectly.
Anxiety: If you have anxiety, you may use perfectionism as a coping mechanism. For example, if you’re anxious about something turning out bad, you may try and control the outcome by spending a lot of time perfecting it to ensure it turns out good.
Low self-esteem: Perfectionism can greatly diminish our self-esteem, enjoyment of life, and sense of peace. It can lead to immense stress, fear of judgement, or worries of inadequacy. If you have low self-esteem, you may develop perfectionism so you can receive the praise that goes along with doing well.
Mental health conditions associated with perfectionism:
Perfectionism is linked to several different mental health issues, such as:
Depression
Anxiety
Eating Disorders
Self-Harm
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Striving to be perfect can also lead to chronic stress and fatigue. It may also lead you to experience headaches or insomnia.
How to cope with perfectionism
Overcoming perfectionism can be challenging and with some strategies and practice, it is possible to manage and reduce its impact on your life. Here are a few steps to consider following.
1. Awareness
The first step to overcoming perfectionism is becoming aware of your perfectionist thoughts and tendencies. Take some time to pause and pay attention to your thought patterns around perfectionism. You might even try writing these thoughts down, to understand them better. Once we are aware of how we allow perfectionism to take hold of our lives, we will be more able to alter our self-talk around this issue.
2. Make Mistakes
When we allow ourselves to make mistakes, we can see that it’s not the end of the world when we fail. Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn, grow, and do better. One way to practice this is by taking up a new hobby that you’ll likely not be good at on the first try. Instead of trying to be “perfect” at it, focus instead on enjoying the activity and slowly learning how to get better. What you might find is that mistakes are necessary to get to where you want to be.
3. Set Reasonable Goals
Perfectionists tend to set goals that are unrealistic, because of impossible standards. One way to let go of perfectionism is to set goals that are more achievable. We will feel much less stressed and more confident in our ability to reach our goals when they are realistic and challenging in a healthy way.
4. Learn to Take Criticism
People who are perfectionists tend to have low self-esteem because they take criticisms personally. However, constructive criticism that can help us learn and grow is important. Try to recognize that healthy criticism can be helpful and is normal because it can allow us to do better. Mistakes or missteps are perfectly normal along the way.
5. Lower the Pressure You Put on Yourself
Remember that the person who pressures you the most is yourself. Be kind to yourself and practice self-acceptance by lowering unrealistic standards you set for yourself. If you are still motivated and doing your best, you’re doing just fine. There is no such thing as “perfect,” but we can be proud of doing our best.
6. Try Not to Procrastinate
Perfectionists can be notorious procrastinators, giving themselves an excuse to slack off if they can’t ensure that they do their work perfectly. This can be unhelpful and more stressful in the long run. The hardest part is always starting, but even creating a rough outline of our work ahead of time is better than nothing. Remember that it’s okay if your work isn’t perfect at first try and give yourself the grace to continue working on the project.
7. Therapy
Lastly, therapy can help with anxiety around perfectionism. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help people struggling with perfectionism reframe their thoughts. Therapy can also help you to better understand the deeper reason behind feeling the pressure to be perfect. If you find that you’re still struggling, therapy may be a good option to give you even more tools to overcome perfectionism.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.