Regulation is for YOU and helps EVERYONE! Part 1: Self-regulation
Lately, I’ve found myself discussing with a lot of my clients the idea of self-regulation that can lead to co-regulation. Self-regulation, or being able to regulate yourself and your emotions, is a worthwhile skill that requires self-awareness and the ability to know what tools in your toolkit will best serve you in a moment where dysregulation or feeling out of control can take place.
Self-regulation is such an important and challenging skill because it means navigating emotionally taxing or challenging situations with control and awareness. It is tuning in to your breath, your tone, your body, and how you’re feeling to ensure that you’re caring for yourself, so you can be present and in control in that moment. It is pausing or stepping away, taking a sip of water or taking a deep breath as you gather yourself, so you can be more gentle with yourself (and others) as you move forward.
Self-regulation is using your coping skills to both check in with yourself and support your needs. Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done, but it is such a valuable skill to have. When we are better able to tune into how we’re feeling and navigate those feelings and sensations from a place of control, we can show up in more thoughtful ways. Notice I said from a place of control and not calm. I believe that self-regulation isn’t all about being calm. You’re allowed to be frustrated, hurt, or sad without being calm, but regulation in those moments means choosing how you express yourself rather than being reactive or out of control. Control through self-regulation leads to conscious choices and decreases the number of times you feel like you acted out of character or differently than you would have liked in a moment where you were overwhelmed by your emotional experience.
There are many ways to access self-regulation, and any given moment or new experience may bring an opportunity to learn new ways of coping and self-regulating.
My go-tos are:
taking a deep breath
tuning into my body to notice what I’m carrying and offer a positive affirmation
walking outside for sunlight and nature sounds
moving my body through stretches, dancing, or simply walking
The body is such a sacred yet practical place to guide and assist with regulation. Sometimes, the most obvious or basic thing, like taking a sip of water, can be all you need to take a pause in your reaction and response.
If you aren’t sure where to start, but know that self-regulation or emotional regulation would be helpful to you in your life, listen to your body. Start pausing more often and notice with curiosity where you’re holding tension and identify the emotion that’s coming up. Our bodies can teach us so much about what is going on and how we may need to better care for ourselves.
I would also love to be a resource to you as you navigate emotions and seek to take back your control. I have the honor of creating a space for you to emotionally process and better understand how your experiences are impacting you. If you want to grow in how you self-regulate, I would be happy to support you in that process. Whether it’s being overwhelmed as a parent, student, partner, or employee, self-regulation is good for you and helps everyone, too! Stay tuned for part two, where I’ll discuss co-regulation!
Bonus: Self-Regulation Practice
While I have you here, let’s practice together right now. Notice what emotion you’re holding to increase self-awareness and emotion identification. Then do a care practice or coping skill that’s helpful.
I feel grateful for you reading my blog, so I’m going to notice the smile on my face as I picture you reading this. I’m going to hold my arms in a slight hug as I consider how grateful I am to connect with you digitally.
I hope you took this moment to do a care practice or self-regulation skill that suits how you’re feeling and tuning in to your body. This was a moment to practice your coping skills so they don’t feel unfamiliar or strange when you truly need them. I am rooting for your increased self-regulation! Take care!
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.
