Why Do Some People Hate Being Wrong?
I don’t know anyone who loves to be wrong. It feels way better to be right. But, it’s human to be wrong sometimes. What does “wrong” look like on you?
Do you admit right away to a misconception or error? Do you avoid bringing up the topic? Do you try to fix it before anyone notices? Do you point out what the other person was wrong about? Do you argue, deny, or distort reality? However you answered this question, have you ever wondered why you respond to being wrong in that way?
Sometimes being wrong feels like the worst feeling in the world. We have all met someone who dug their heels into the ground about being right when they are clearly wrong.
So, what is it that we believe about being wrong?
PRWeb.com summarized analyzed survey data (completed by Psychtech.com) from 4,727 participants categorized into two groups: Those who admit they’ve messed up and those who will not. They discovered that people who are uncomfortable admitting mistakes experience the following:
1.) They hate to look and feel weak. They believe it will leave them susceptible to rejection. They feel devastated and insulted by criticism or when their error is pointed out.
2.) They tend to have deep-seated insecurities. They fear a loss of respect, never amounting to anything, or being disliked, so they do not reveal their “true” self because they see themselves as a failure. They tend to not like themselves.
3.) They tend to have an extreme need for approval from others. Other people’s opinions carry more weight than their own. They need constant reassurance and approval. They fear rejection, need praise, and must be liked by others (to the point of changing personality, opinions, or appearance to endear themselves to others).
4.) They tend to be perfectionists. They believe they fall short of expectations, that they are inferior in comparison, and will refuse tasks if they cannot be done perfectly.
5.) They will behave defensively if someone points out their errors. They will blame others, dismiss feedback, or accuse others of jealousy. (3)
Maybe we are wrong about being wrong
Mark Goulston, the author of the book Just Listen, wrote an article (1) about the benefits of risk and failure. He said he could see “a direct correlation between difficulty in being wrong and the rigidity of your personality.” He submitted that the more rigid one's disposition is (with fewer adaptation skills) the stronger the negative experience one has with being wrong. He continued by suggesting that the breakdowns we have when we are faced with being wrong are our best opportunities for building resilience, and the longer a person lives in life without being faced with “being wrong” (helicopter parents, enabling relationships) the more ridge one's personality becomes, thus increasing the difficulty in experiences where one must face their errors.
Being wrong does not make us weak, but builds resiliency and wisdom. Research claims that when someone admits their errors, they:
open themselves up for learning and growth
showcase their willingness to work hard and not just sit in their comfort zone
demonstrate how much they value honesty and truth
enforce humility in their lives (I’m not perfect and that’s okay!)
tend to be more highly regarded, trusted, and exemplified
inspire a deep sense of accountability in those around them
demonstrate their expectations as realistic and achievable (2) (4) (5)
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” - Oscar Wilde
The best approach to take when we are wrong is to tap into the information it gives us, and press on. If you can be willing to acknowledge mistakes, figure out why the mistake happened, and what is needed to fix it, the error is less likely to occur again. Being able to own up to our mistakes takes real guts sometimes, and that is a character trait worth building. Studies demonstrate that people who are more comfortable with admitting their mistakes have higher self-esteem, and we can all do with a bit of that. (3) In the words of Doug Larson, “To err is human. To admit it is superhuman.”
1.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/just-listen/201206/being-wrong-why-people-cant-stand-it
2.https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/the-no-1-reason-people-wont-admit-they-were-wrong.html
4.https://nypost.com/2018/11/20/this-is-why-some-people-cant-admit-theyre-wrong/
5.https://trainingmag.com/admitting-youre-wrong-means-youre-strong/
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