Young Adults: When Everything Hits At Once
In Frank Sinatra's famous song "That's Life", it says:
That's life (That's Life),
That's what all the people say.
You're Riding high in April, shot down in May.
If you have never heard this iconic song, here is a link to listen to it https://youtu.be/TnlPtaPxXfc?si=2ojyxpcL8KLh1tZ_
This song came to mind while I had a conversation with a young human in their 20s who was "going through it." They described a difficult time of transition that had some seeming unmanageable chaos, alongside great strides of growth. If this sounds familiar, you are either in your 20s or you used to be. Because this is exactly what being a young adult is like.
In the phase of young adult life, you learn how rapidly a person can gain or lose status, how exhausting it is to manage multiple identities, and what it's like to cycle through extreme highs and lows. And in this phase of building your life and abiding by your values, it can feel like everything hits all at once, because sometimes, it does. Sometimes, many things become challenging, such as uncertainty at work, financial pressures, health concerns, remembering past adverse events, anxiety about relationships, acclimating to college-level demands, and more.
Many humans new to this balancing act respond to multiple stressors hitting at once by beginning to blame themselves. Being personally accountable is not a bad trait, but when storms hit, we don't want to meet them by being disrespectful to ourselves (talking bad about yourself is not the same as being responsible). It can be helpful to know how the brain and nervous system respond to layered stress, so you can have greater clarity and self-respect.
Overload Affects Cognition
When multiple threats appear at once, the brain shifts into what psychologists call a threat-response state. Instead of calmly evaluating problems one at a time, the mind begins scanning for danger everywhere.
Researchers in the field of Clinical Psychology have long documented how stress overload affects cognition. According to the American Psychological Association, when people experience sustained stress, the brain's threat-detection systems become more active, making individuals more likely to anticipate negative outcomes and interpret uncertainty as danger. Basically, your inner conversation begins to feel very chaotic.
"Everything might fall apart."
"If I make the wrong decision, I'll ruin things."
"Other people will be hurt because of me."
"I should have handled this better."
Stress overload can make anxious thoughts feel like accurate judgment and fear feel like clear thinking. While trying to solve problems rationally, a person may begin interpreting situations primarily through the lens of fear rather than clarity. Research on young adulthood has also shown that navigating multiple major life transitions at the same time can create what researchers call "transitions overload," increasing perceived stress and emotional strain.
When stress piles up, the nervous system can begin operating in a prolonged "fight or flight" state. The brain and body release stress hormones designed for short-term survival. When multiple stressors continue for long periods, this ongoing activation can contribute to emotional exhaustion, difficulty thinking clearly, and physical tension. It's at this point where we begin to see good people self-criticize, self-blame, and disconnect. Psychological research shows that people with strong prosocial values are more likely to engage in internal attribution, meaning they assume personal responsibility even when external factors play a major role in the challenges they face. They overestimate their personal influence in complex situations.
Having many important decisions to make is a real stressor, and it's important to consider what making one choice over the other can mean for the future. But difficult situations are rarely the result of one variable. They arise from systems, policies, economic pressures, or other circumstances. Recognizing that difference is an important step in maintaining integrity, clarity, self-respect, and self-compassion.
Distribute the Load
When stress piles up, many people feel pressure to make a perfect, long-term decision immediately. But clinical research on stress management consistently emphasizes the effectiveness of short-term stabilization strategies. Here are some examples of what that might look like.
Gathering Information and Recategorizing
Clarify policies, medical options, and available resources. Separate each issue and recategorize them into different categories of life management.
Asking Key Questions
Identify the decisions that truly require action. All decisions are not created equal.
Protecting Health and Safety
Physical and emotional well-being must remain a priority. Overwhelm can lead to using maladaptive coping strategies. Take good care of your health, and avoid using substances to reward yourself or to "get you through."
Creating a Short-term Survival Plan
Address essential needs such as housing, food, and healthcare for the next 30-60 days. This may require small waiting periods. Waiting on replies, paperwork, or collaborators can be hard. Gentle reminders that "waiting" is normal and that it is an area where you lack any control may reduce self-made suffering in planning processes.
Notice Thoughts Instead of Just Believing Them
When an anxious thought shows up, "If I make the wrong decision, I'll ruin everything", say instead, "I am having the thought that if I make the wrong decision, I will ruin everything." The first phrase presents as "truth", the second one shows it's just a thought.
This kind of structured approach helps move the brain out of panic mode, "What did I do wrong?" and back into problem-solving mode.
"What is happening around me, and how can I respond one step at a time?" Self-blame and self-criticism (I am the problem) are not the same as responsibility (the characteristic that helps people act according to their values). Your young adult years are going to teach you a whole lot. Keep moving forward without sacrificing self-compassion. You are stronger than you know.
"Each time I find myself
Flat on my face
I pick myself up and get
Back in the race."
(lyrics to "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra)
Resources
Cadigan JM, Fleming CB, Patrick ME, Lewis MA, Rhew IC, Abdallah DA, Fairlie AM, Schulenberg JE, Larimer ME, Lee CM. Negative evaluation of role transitions is associated with perceived stress and alcohol consequences: Examination of the Transitions Overload Model in young adulthood using two years of monthly data. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2021 Aug;45(8):1607-1615. doi: 10.1111/acer.14636. Epub 2021 Aug 6. PMID: 34357596; PMCID: PMC8429082.
American Psychological Association. (2023, March 8). Stress effects on the body. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body
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