Looking For Sunshine: 3 Simple Steps to Finding Good in Ourselves & Others
Have you ever been worried that it is going to rain on the day of an upcoming special event? You spend your time leading up to the day checking weather reports, looking at the clouds, and seeing grey in the sky. You may even feel what you are sure are drops of rain that aren’t even there. You might ask, “How is this possible?” It is quite simple - our brains look for what we tell it to look for. When you look for rain, your brain will find evidence of rain.
The reverse of this is also true. Our brains can be taught to look for the sunshine instead of the rain!
We can teach ourselves how to look for the good in ourselves and others rather than focusing on the negative. Over the next month, try using these three simple steps everyday to retrain your focus.
Step 1: Pick something (a character trait, an affirmation, or a personality quality) that you want to recognize in yourself.
For example, “I want to discover that I am smart.” Tell yourself “I am smart” many times throughout the day. Write “I am smart” on a post-it note and put it on your computer, mirror, or refrigerator. Throughout the day, instead of focusing on your “dumb mistakes” focus on the moments when you got things right and were successful. Pay attention to the PROOF that your brain shows you. Keep saying and reading your affirmation and you will keep discovering just how smart you really are. Then acknowledge the good you have begun to see in yourself.
Step 2: Pick something you want to recognize in someone else.
Remember if you want to notice that your spouse, friend, or parent is mad at you, your brain will find you reasons to believe this is true. Instead, look for evidence that they love you and you will find the PROOF of how much they truly care. Just like in step one, tell yourself throughout the day “my spouse tries to listen to me” (as an example). Write it on a post-it note that you will see throughout the day. Focus on the moments when you notice your spouse is listening to you (even if you do not think he or she truly understands). Pay attention to the evidence you discover that shows they are trying. Acknowledge their attempts both to yourself and to them.
Step 3: Keep a record of all the evidence of good that you notice.
Write it down each night. Record what you see in yourself and what you see in others. Writing it down sends additional messages to your brain saying this is important to me and will work harder to find you evidence of what you're looking for. Keeping a record will reinforce the good that you have discovered in yourself and those around you.
You can choose if you want to look for evidence of rain or if you want to look for evidence of sunshine!
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.