Five Life Lessons: #1 - The 'Unexpecteds'
Michael C. Roubicek, PhD, LCSW - aka ‘Dr. Mike’ - has been a psychotherapist since 1983. In this series, he shares five lessons he’s learned about life in over 20 years of working with Bariatric (Weight Loss) Surgery patients.
Twenty plus years ago, I had my first client reach out to me and ask for a ‘psychological evaluation for bariatric surgery’. That has led to a long and wonderful journey through the years of working with patients to help prepare them for bariatric surgery and to connect with them and support them along the path after surgery.
As a kid I used to love watching ABC Wide World of Sports on Saturdays. I remember well the statement that introduced the program: “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat”. They showed film clips of events and excerpts from competitions to convey the feeling of those ends of the spectrum. As a therapist of over 30 years I have seen and been a part of those “thrills” and “agonies” in many people’s lives. And I have learned some very poignant, valuable and meaningful lessons on the journey.
Here they are.
Lesson #1: The ‘Unexpecteds’
We’ve all experienced these. They are the flat tires, the delayed flights, the detours, the losses and deaths, the things that come along that we really didn’t anticipate. Some of them are delightful; others are painful and heavy. We can certainly relate to this currently with the virus pandemic and the way it is affecting our lives.
One such experience for me was with a diagnosis of cancer. It came out of nowhere; it was totally unexpected. And then came the shock, the struggle, the days and weeks of worrying and wondering while trying to gain understanding and face the situation. That was, of course, one of the painful ‘unexpecteds’.
But as I said, not all ‘unexpecteds’ are bad. While out on a run early one morning I came across a $20 bill. Score! Another time, in a drive-thru, the attendant said, “No charge…the person in front of you paid for you”. More recently, while on a trip, we came out of the train station at night, somewhat disoriented and tried to figure out how to get to our hotel. A chance meeting with a shuttle driver, who was just about to go home, led to a delightful two and a half days of his escorting us around the area and showing us the sites.
Whether they are on one end of the spectrum or the other, the ‘unexpecteds’ happen…and what that results in is that no two journeys are the same. No matter what happens in our lives we have to learn to face and manage the ‘unexpecteds’. And as we do, we gain strength, find skills and develop relationships that help us to not fear them, but to handle them.
Stay tuned for Lesson #2: Remembering Why We Got Started
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