4 Hurdles of a Broken Heart
It’s over. Everything has been said, things have been abruptly and unceremoniously halted, and you are now left with yourself at the end of the relationship. You are now navigating life as you see fit. This event of going from a relationship to ending it can be as easy as breathing, however, some relationships end with an additional struggle. Not solely because of the other partner, but from what we are experiencing for ourselves. Breakups can be a life-altering moment that feels extremely difficult to overcome.
The end of a relationship can be confusing as it impacts people differently. There is no standard length of time for people to digest what happened. A break up can be a liberation to a new life or it can be a brawl of emotional processing. For those that are struggling, the experience of a broken heart can make it difficult to move forward with your life. This blog is not meant to find ways to overcome a broken heart, but to be vigilant of what may be slowing you down from healing. If you feel that the length of time is becoming too long or difficult to get past, here are four hurdles for you to be conscious of:
1. Stuck on “what went wrong”
It is not uncommon after a breakup to get mentally stuck in the situation or the context of the fall out. Thinking through the different factors in the previous relationship of who was at fault can get you stuck in the “blame game” trap. You can also overthink the various circumstances of the breakup. Other mind snares can be you trying to figure out how you could have prevented it from happening. The mental loop of “replaying” the events over and over again can feel like you’re watching a tape in your mind. It could even have you question your own actions of what you did, putting you in a state of further uncertainty. The mind game of trying to figure out, “what went wrong” can prolong your broken hearted state from moving on.
2. Lost in emotions
Being in a romantic relationship is a mixing bowl of heightened emotions, but the ending of a relationship can be just as emotional making you feel lost. Replaying the “what if tape” in your head can cause you to be stuck in an emotional reel of the breakup. Just thinking about the time you have put in to make the relationship work for it to all fall apart can be rage inducing. Hurtful words exchanged in the breakup can stay with you and can resurface in other social settings. The places and activities that were joyful to be at as a couple now have a tint of sadness. This can make you stuck in the emotional abyss, preventing you from grieving that relationship in order to carry on.
3. Piece of you missing
It took two of you to start a romantic relationship and over time it became a part of your identity. When a break up occurs you can feel as though you misplaced a piece of yourself. You invested part of your life with the other individual with plans for the future. Those precious moments you have spent together becoming comfortable and familiar with each other are now gone. The seemingly natural part of you and your daily life is now changed without that individual. This can make it extremely difficult to feel normal by yourself.
4. Withdrawing and numbing
When a breakup happens it can make you lose a sense of your own surroundings. Your normal routine is shaken as the previous romantic relationship could have been a large part of it, making you feel out of place. You could feel compelled to withdraw from your social circles because the breakup was devastating (e.g. friends, clubs, and family). For a short period of time it can appear as though the things you used to enjoy have lost their joy and the entire space around you feels slightly grayed. An ongoing theme of feeling empty can bring down your progress of overcoming the breakup.
Looking for more guidance after your breakup? This blog will help you in the process. Take this time to focus on you. Not your previous partner, not your relationship, but you and how you showed up in your relationship on a day-to-day basis. A breakup can be devastating, but it does not mean the end of you, the person. It can be an opportunity for mindfulness and self-growth. Be kind to yourself, give yourself space to experience your emotions, and remember there is no rush, take your time.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.