You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Guide Your Kids
Parenting teenagers and young adults may not look the way you imagined it would. The stakes feel higher, the conversations more complex, and the margin for error painfully thin. When your kids hit these phases, you are already fully aware of your own imperfections-past mistakes, emotional blind spots, or missed opportunities-and may wonder, "Do I even have any credibility anymore? I mean, what do I know?"
Guess what: there are no perfect parents, and there never have been. What matters most is not flawlessness, but clarity, courage, and consistency. Your teens and newly adult children don't need parents who get everything right; they need parents who are willing to lead, repair, and stay engaged.
It's Hard For Them, Too.
These phases bring intense pressures that arrive quickly and often without warning-social expectations, digital exposure, romantic dynamics, substances, media, and adult-level choices paired with still-developing brains. These pressures don't wait until your kids feel ready.
Parents are not just responsible for responding after harm occurs. They are responsible for protecting their children emotionally, mentally, and physically before damage takes root. This kind of protection requires attentiveness, foresight, and sometimes the willingness to be uncomfortable.
Courageous parenting means speaking up early. It means intervening when something doesn't sit right, even if it risks temporary conflict or disappointment (You are gonna get some pushback every once in a while). Just as a parent would instinctively step in to stop a child from running into traffic, loving parents sometimes have to act decisively to protect long-term well-being, even when the danger isn't immediately visible.
Quiet Trap: What if They Don't Like Me
But parenting is not a popularity contest. It is a leadership role. Avoiding difficult conversations or loosening boundaries to keep the peace can unintentionally enable harmful behaviors. Silence and inaction send messages, too, and sometimes those messages are more powerful than words. Teens may push back against limits, but boundaries often help them feel safer, more grounded, and more cared for, even if they don't admit it or recognize it.
Parents should not be intimidated by their children. You have intuition. You don't always need a fully articulated reason to pause, question, or say no. And nothing can be more strengthening to caregivers than being a united front, and only giving permission when both of you agree.
Boundaries Made Thoughtfully and Consistently
Certain areas require this. These include media use, video games, internet activity, parties, overnight activities, clothing choices, curfews, and unsupervised social settings.
Excessive or violent gaming and unrestricted screen time can become addictive and contribute to emotional withdrawal, irritability, or disconnection from real-world relationships. Limits on these things are not about control; they are about protecting attention, sleep, and emotional health.
Similarly, encouraging teens to delay exclusive romantic relationships can reduce emotional and physical risks that often accompany early pairing off. Adolescence is a time for identity and character development, not emotional enmeshment. This is not a failure of trust-it is an act of care.
When They Change, so Does Your Role
As teens move toward young adulthood, parenting naturally shifts. The role becomes less about enforcement and more about consultation, offering guidance without judgment, maintaining boundaries without micromanaging, and helping teens practice decision-making in real time.
This doesn't mean stepping back entirely. It means staying engaged while allowing space for growth, learning, and even mistakes. Ask thoughtful questions, reflect values, and help them think through consequences rather than issuing constant directives.
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and express emotions in healthy ways-both one's own and others'.
For your kids in these phases of life, emotional intelligence lays the foundation for resilience, mental health, and character development. Research consistently shows that higher emotional intelligence in adolescence reduces psychological stress, lowers burnout and truancy, fosters stronger relationships, demonstrates better problem-solving, improves academic and life outcomes, and a greater overall well-being.
Conversely, low emotional intelligence is linked to higher risks of anxiety and depression. Their brains are still developing, and emotional regulation is one of the last skills to fully mature. This is why emotional outbursts, impulsivity, and shutdowns are common-and why guidance, not punishment, is so critical.
Stay the Course: You Won't Get Everything Right
Parenting teens and young adults requires humility, courage, and persistence. You will sometimes react instead of respond. Repair matters more than perfection.
Your influence is still powerful-especially when you lead with clarity, unity, and care. Being steady, confident, and unafraid to guide sends a message your child may not appreciate now, but will likely understand later. Radically accept that you may stand alone in doing the right thing for your kids in these phases.
Consistent, courageous parenting does not guarantee easy outcomes. But it significantly shapes the kind of adults your children are becoming. And that work-imperfect, demanding, and deeply meaningful-is worth doing.
Resources
Emotional Intelligence in Teens: https://share.google/Ibfbw9RjtgLENFOOc
Courageous Parenting: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/10/courageous-parenting?lang=eng
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