Relationships and You
Relationships are unavoidable and at times necessary for us to function in our daily lives; essentially, everyone that takes part in your life has a relationship with you. Your family, friends, co-workers, and intimate partners have all influenced your life in some way. In a healthy relationship, people enjoy each other’s company and seek understanding from one another without fear of being offended. However, at times some of your relationships may unknowingly become damaging to you in forms of you questioning your own self-worth and abilities. It can be difficult to identify these types of harmful connections as you become lost in the numerous relationships you are involved with. It can be challenging to maintain healthy relationships as they are all unique to each of us, and they change gradually over time. Here are three steps to consider when attempting to maintain healthy relationships.
What Does the Relationship Look Like
The first step is to understand what your relationship looks like; however, this can be difficult as you are in the midst of the relationship in a biased way. It would be beneficial to imagine yourself as the “fly on the wall”. Think of it as though you are looking at your relationship from the perspective of a third party. What would you notice as the people interacted amongst themselves? Are the people giving constructive criticisms of what is happening or are they barraging each other with toxic names? Is there accountability within the relationship that each person owns up to, or is there the ongoing behavior of blaming the other party? Are the people involved attempting to understand each other, or are the individuals attempting to have it their own way regardless of the other’s wishes? Imaging your own situation as a third party that is looking in from the outside can help you gain insight on what the relationship actually looks like.
The Relationship’s Impact on You
The second step is to take into account the impact the relationships are having on you. Looking at the interactions within your relationships, you can begin to understand what is affecting you and your daily life. Two areas to consider are your well-being and how you view yourself in the relationship. How are these two things regarded in those relationships? An example can be you attending to other people’s requests before taking care of your own needs. The focus of putting others first could make you neglect yourself, which in turn can adversely affect your daily life.
Another example might be how people are treating you within the relationship and how they speak to you. Look for the moments where people have made you question yourself through verbal belittlement. Remember situations where individuals may have given you constructive criticism in hopes of you bettering yourself. On one hand there are relationships that will want you to succeed as they value who you are as a person while there are other relationships that don’t acknowledge or even undermine your efforts, leading you to doubt your own abilities. It is important to assess how the relationships you are in are affecting you.
Relationship Boundaries
The final step is to consider the boundaries within your relationships. Boundaries are for the people in your life as well as rules you have to govern for yourself. Think of it as a healthy limitation on how far you are able to go for people without taking away from your well-being. You are not a superhuman with infinite strength, so you must limit how much you stretch yourself to be able to be there for others. For example, a healthy boundary can be not giving money to those that won’t pay you back. Another example could be limiting how much time and effort you can give for another person’s requests. At times there may be a situation where you need to distance yourself from the other person, otherwise known as “love from afar”. When boundaries cannot be established or they are disregarded, you may want to consider ending the relationship as it may not be beneficial to either of you. By implementing necessary boundaries you can begin to establish healthy relationships.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.