The Relationship Between You, Your Child, and Your Co-Parent
The events came to be that you are in the position as a co-parent. You are now engaging with your child(ren) and ex-partner in a different dynamic than you were before as a single-family unit. This situation now comes with new arrangements: you taking on the role as the co-parent, the relationship with your ex-partner as the child’s other co-parent, and the relationship of your child with the both of you. It can be difficult to navigate yourself through this process on top of possible ongoing legal disputes.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed with this new reality that is going to be part of your life. There can be confusion on where to start or what direction to go in your new co-parenting relationship. If you are struggling within this context, please consider starting with the concept of the betterment of your child as the goal. Having this starting goal gives the direction of fostering healthy relationships for all parties involved, focus on consistency for your child, and standards of engagement as a co-parent for yourself. If you consider the goal to be uplifting your child in this process, please continue with the following:
Healthy Relationships
Your child still needs you just as much as they need the other co-parent. If the goal is the betterment of your child, then co-parents will have to garner acceptance of their child’s needs from both parents. This means allowing your child appropriate quality time with each. It is difficult enough for children to understand the heavy situation of parents separating and oftentimes feel torn apart from not being together with both parents. If it is possible, instilling acceptance of continual relationships of both parents in their lives can help foster healthy relationships for children.
You Are Still Their Parent
For all involved, the transition as a co-parent has changed a lot of things around you. This includes your child who still needs their parents. The separation is already stressful and emotionally confusing for the parents involved, doubly so for children. They are still adjusting to the change of their parents no longer being together. In this time of uncertainty, it is important that co-parents still maintain consistency for children as their parents. While this includes rules for children (e.g. bed times, discipline, and boundaries) it also includes their already established routines and structure (e.g. involved activities, friend groups, and school). By being attentive to their emotions, staying involved in their lives, and being flexible with their wants, you can still nurture the well-being of your child as a loving parent.
The Co-Parent Role
The co-parent role is a difficult position to be in. You are attempting to balance the wants and needs of not only your child, but your fellow co-parent as well. This is easier said than done as a myriad of emotions and thoughts from both co-parents can impede cooperation. During such moments it is best to be cordial with your fellow co-parent. Do not besmirch your child’s parent in front of them or towards your ex-partner. Maintain as clear lines of communication as possible for the betterment of your child.
The co-parenting role also involves check-ins with yourself. Focusing on the betterment of your child is role modeling healthy behaviors. If you feel as though you are struggling with your co-parent or yourself emotionally, then it is important to seek support. Just as you would enforce a standard of health for your child, you need to maintain your own well-being.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.