How to Offer a Real Apology
Conflict is inevitable in all of our relationships. We are all human and we all make mistakes, however, how we handle those mistakes, can make the biggest difference, especially, when we have hurt someone. Conflict can either cause lasting damage or be the fuel for exploration and growth. We grow, by learning new ways to better our relationship and nurture it.
How do we reconcile the hurts that we may have caused? Since we can’t go back in time and undo what was already done, how we make and deliver amends can determine how our apology is received. The right apology can bring peace and harmony; the wrong apology can only make the issue worse.
Here are some tips for offering a genuine apology:
1. Owning it/introspection
See what you may have done to cause or contribute to the conflict and try not to push the blame onto the other person. Especially if you know you hurt that person, and/or if they tell you that they’ve been hurt by you. Take responsibility for your imposition against them and don’t minimize their experience or how it affected them. Put your pride aside, and be humble, by owning up to it.
2. Humility
Interacting with others can be a humbling process at times, and can foster maturity within ourselves and our relationships. Coming to someone with a heartfelt apology takes humility. Approaching the other person with a mindset of wanting to make things right, rather than a mindset of wanting to be right, is key to a successful apology.
3. Compassion
Being able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes takes empathy and compassion. Show them that you care by being sincere, compassionate, patient, and understanding.
In summary, you need to express first how sorry you are for hurting them. For example, if you lashed out in your last argument, you must verbalize how what you said hurt them. Acknowledge what you heard them say, by emphasizing, in feeling words, such as “I can see what I said hurt you. I am so sorry. Can you please forgive me for saying those hurtful words I said to you?” Having this type of approach can make the other person feel validated and understood. It can provide an area to grow closer in discovering something new about them, resulting in bringing the two of you closer.
Everyone is human. Mistakes are inevitable, but how you handle these situations, how you go about apologizing, and how sincere you are, can make the biggest difference, in your own self-growth, and in fostering growth within your relationships.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.