4 Ways to Forgive
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness can mean different things to a variety of people. Generally, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of retaliation. The act that hurt or offended you may never be forgotten, however, forgiveness can lessen its hold on you and can even help free you from the painful feeling of being hurt by the person who harmed you. Not only can it help free you from pain, forgiveness can also lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and even compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you nor does it make up for the harm that the person has caused you. Forgiveness does, however, fill you up with a kind of peace that helps you move on with life and can ultimately set you free. Here are 4 tips to help you forgive:
Give yourself time to process the incident or occurrence
It is said that time heals all wounds, but that isn’t always the case when we haven’t given ourselves time. Time is needed to work through emotions such as feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, and disappointment.
2. Talk to someone you trust
Open up about how the incident made you feel and don’t try to tackle it alone without outside support. Find someone, such as a counselor or close friend, that will listen to you, help you work through your feelings and process them. Being able to talk to someone that you trust, is not only helpful but it can also be healing. We aren’t meant to journey through life all on our own. Talking to someone regarding how we feel and not isolating ourselves can be beneficial in the forgiveness process and is an essential part of healing. Being able to have someone else’s honest and caring perspective can help you through the pain of the hurt and can help you take a step forward in the forgiveness process.
3. Forgiveness is an inside job for you to do
Forgiveness benefits you. Getting another person to change his or her actions or their behavior or words, is not the theme of forgiveness. Forgiveness can benefit your life by bringing you peace, happiness, emotional, and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person or incident has had over your life and can set you free! Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose. Forgiveness matters, and we will be its primary beneficiary.
4. Write it out to let go
One of the many helpful tools I have learned along the way are the benefits of writing, such as journaling. Being able to say it in writing can be an essential healing practice. Writing out our thoughts and experiences can be useful in our forgiveness process. Stating what the person did to hurt us and how that painful experience made us feel can be freeing. Writing and journaling is a therapeutic process. Forgiveness is for you and not for the person that offended you. It is for your freedom and to let out what has been buried deep within you. If you fear that someone may find what you have written you can destroy it as soon as you’ve finished. You are well worth the time and energy to release . This process can help with forgiveness because it is taking actions to help you let go of the resentment, and hurt, that may be disrupting your inner peace and harmony.
Forgiveness takes time and effort on your part, however, remember that the benefit of forgiveness is ultimately for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what the other person did. It is fundamentally saying, “I want to be set free of the heaviness that unforgiveness is costing me. I want to move forward in my life with being able to forgive because I am worth being set free to have joy and peace.” Remember when you forgive you heal and when you let go, you grow.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.